i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
