Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
