i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
