someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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