you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
