You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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