I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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