I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You can't motorboat a personality
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize