That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
