Barsexuality is the new black.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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