I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Randomize
