He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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