This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
