I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
