Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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