I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
