They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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