3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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