Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
