So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
