I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
