ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
