That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
