Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
