Got a toothbrush?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
