I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
