FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
