I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
