I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
