you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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