Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
