I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
