It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
