I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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