She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
