If i come over, it means nothing
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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