you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
