dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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