she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
