doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
