I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
