What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
