At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
