I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
