Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
