he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
