Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
