I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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