I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
