she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
