I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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