Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
