I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
