I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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