i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
