My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate all girls vehemently.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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